crossing_lostrp | [Ami] Day 11: Tending Open Wounds (tag Mara,open)

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[Ami] Day 11: Tending Open Wounds (tag Mara,open)

OOC: Bumping from [Lucy] Day 11: Making Her Escape due to maximum comment/replies reached.

Edited 16 May 06 to add: Maximum Posting Limit of 75 has been suspended for this thread.

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Ami ducked into Mara's shelter as Tommy and Jon made their way to the cookfire area. As they departed, her stomach grumbled a bit, reminding her that she hadn't eaten yet this morning. Tommy and Jon were too far away without shouting for them, and shouting might disturb Mara and she wasn't willing to leave the young woman alone. She figured she'd suffer through for a while longer; it wasn't like she would die of starvation in a few hours time.

Kneeling by Mara's bed, she hesitantly reached out and placed her hand lightly on the woman's forehead. Dropping her shields just a bit, she focused solely on Mara, wincing again at the rents and tears in the woman's shields. Beneath that, she was disturbed, and mentally and psychically exhausted. Ami wasn't connected to Mara the way she was to Megabyte, Mara not being a Tomorrow Person, but she thought she would try to reinforce the woman's shielding a bit anyway. The worse that would happen was nothing and the best was that Mara might sleep a bit easier, even if Ami couldn't take away the horrors she'd already experienced.

It took a few minutes of concentration, and Ami felt a wee bit more tired herself when it was done, but she'd managed to connect with Mara on the very surface and reinforce her shielding – filling in some of the gaps. It wouldn't hold for long, a day at the most, but hopefully it would give the other woman some comfort.

Done with what she could do, Ami leaned against Mara's bed and waited for Tommy and Jon to return.

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Faith's anger was actually a welcome reprieve and distraction from the feelings, thoughts and images that Ami had caught a glimpse of just moments before, particularly the images. There were certain things that she just didn't need to know, and definitely not in Technicolor.

Even more welcome was Mara's voice calling from inside. She sounded steady, of course Ami had no idea how she sounded before she went to sleep.

She turned and poked her head in the shelter, giving Mara a smile. "Good to see you up. How do you feel?"

Mara's comment of 'I want to make him feel what she felt,' hadn't gone unheard. Ami simply wasn't certain how to respond that just yet.

Mara gave Ami a wan smile, and didn't answer right away. "Thanks for the storm windows. Are you and Scott and River okay?"

"We're all managing. It's you I'm worried about right now."

Mara scooped up the puppy and gave her a long snuggle before answering. Then she looked up.

"I feel like Lucy did before she went into the water. I know why she killed herself. Not who, or even why they did it, but the /feelings/. The...sensations. And I'd wish I didn't...except that the only way to give her justice is to give these feelings back to the one that dealt them." Her eyes filled up and spilled over as she spoke.

Feeling lightheaded and sick, and still like she needed a good scrubbing, she said softly, "When I said...I wanted to know what sex was like? This wasn't what I meant."

Scott was very, very glad that he was shielded from the others' emotions. Ami's were enough all by themselves; not overwhelming, but potent nonetheless. As Ami spoke with Mara, Scott turned to Faith and Tommy. He said quietly, "If we can be certain of who drove Lucy to suicide, I think that Mara's suggestion is spot on." The mere thought of a person capable of such a thing made him grind his teeth.

OOC: George and Carlos are coming from here. (http://community.livejournal.com/crossing_lostrp/68675.html?thread=2316355#t2316355)

George decided that now was as good a time as any to talk to Faith, so she led Carlos in that direction. Before she got there, Ami and Scott returned and were deep in conversation. Then Mara appeared from within the tent, looking tired and drawn. George and Carlos were just in time to hear Mara's revelation.

"You know why? And someone made her do that?" George was shocked by the thought. It hadn't occurred to her that Lucy was suffering from anything more than terminal depression. "Fuck! Who was it?"

George felt a powerful urge to bash somebody. Her fingers curled around...nothing, though she was trying to get into the habit of carrying Sweet Reason with her. The cane wouldn't do her any good if she needed it and it was lying in the shelter.

"I...don't know who," Mara said hesitantly. "I only know what was done to her, and that it made her feel so filthy and trapped that she wanted to die."

The word /filthy/ made Carlos flinch slightly. He was fighting down a surge of anger at the whole damned mess and about it apparently being somebody's actual /fault/--at least in part. But the use of that word made his chest heave, and made him look worriedly over at George.

/OK, I admit that I'm coming in late, but how does Mara know this?/ "Can...you remember anything about the people that did this?"

"Nothing you want me to repeat unless you want to lose your sex drive for a week," Mara replied flatly, then sighed. "I don't know even if there was more than one. It's too overwhelming. All I know is it happened twice, and the second time was over really fast."

Carlos looked sick as the implications of this hit him.

Twice? Wow. Mara got lucky. She didn't pick up on all of it, then.

Twice that she can differentiate. But yeah, I wanted to keep the level of angst she absorbed handlable enough that she didn't turn into a dribbling mess on you guys for very long....O.o

Ami felt sick to her stomach. She hadn't picked up on the nuances that Mara did, or else she was so well trained that she was able to push them into the back of her mind before they sank in; and truthfully, she was grateful for that. Anger came from several different directions, and she closed off her shields, only keeping her link with Scott open; she couldn't handle anyone else's anger right now when she was dealing with disgust and anger of her own.

"So, on top of everything else, we got a rapist?" Faith said the word that no one else dared say aloud and Ami didn't need to be telepathic to tell that Faith was ready to go to war.

Faith, Ami realized, wasn't alone.

A chill enveloped her, wrapping Ami from her head to her feet and she hugged herself, shivering slightly despite the heat of the tropical sun. She didn't look at anyone, the sand taking on new depths of interest as she tried very hard not to think about . . . him.

"Someone is going to have to tell Daniel," Ami said simply.

"Someone is going to get castrated," Faith snarled. Without saying another word, the woman turned and stalked towards the jungle, the air itself seeming to ripple around her.

"So, on top of everything else, we got a rapist?" Faith's voice was dangerously cold and flat.

Outrage welled up in Scott. Ami's distress barely registered as he fought back the urge to find Ethan and beat him to a bloody pulp. Pain from where his fingernails bit into the palms of his balled-up hands brought Scott back to reality. Unclenching his fists, he thought, (We don't know it was Ethan. We have to be sure.)

Beside him Ami studied her feet, hugging herself from the loathing and trepidation conveyed by their link. In a small voice she said, "Someone is going to have to tell Daniel." Then Faith stalked off with a promise Scott hoped she'd make good on.

"I'll tell Daniel," Scott said, surprised by the evenness of his voice. He took one of her hands, unsure if more physical contact was a good idea at the moment, and sent as much love and comfort as he could, Something else was going on with Ami, but he wasn't going to ask what now.

Tommy was just as furious as George, Carlos, and Scott. He wanted to hit something or run or swim, *anything* to get rid of this negative energy.

"I'll tell Daniel," Scott volunteered.

Tommy caught his eye. "Blaise knows. I couldn't find Daniel, so I told Blaise that someone was behind this. He thinks that whoever it is will lay low for a few days." Although Scott nodded, Tommy could tell that most of his attention was on Ami. Her and Mara's suffering from Lucy's murder -- 'cause it was closer to that than a suicide in his mind -- redoubled his anger. "Let me know how I can help," he told all of them. His voice was soft from carefully controled ire. "Right now I need to go do... something."

Tommy didn't think about where he was going or what he was doing. A short time later he dove into the ocean. The sea welcomed him. Somehow he knew it mourned Lucy's death as well. As he twined through the ribbons of kelp, Tommy realized that it was the injustice of Lucy's death that was upsetting. She no longer suffered -- he presumed that George had seen to that -- and her body would return to the earth.

Tommy dove and surfaced over and over, each time feeling smaller but not unimportant. He and Lucy and the island and the sea itself were part of a larger whole which was healthy and vibrant and living. When his lungs burned the sea told him to stop and rest. Tommy obeyed, floating atop the ever-moving surface with slippery strands of kelp holding him fast. (It will be all right,) he told himself as his breathing and heart slowed. And he believed it.

Mara sighed. "I should tell, but I couldn't handle his reaction." She looked at her hands. The shields she felt must be Ami's handiwork protected her from the wave of horror from the small crowd, but her face crumpled with sadness at what the news had done to them.

"I just want to get this feeling out of me," she said quietly. "I'll be okay if I can just do that."

/I feel like someone's used blow-up doll./ "No, they're not real, no more than ghost fingerprints. Nobody's touched /me/," she mumbled to herself firmly, and it helped a little.

Carlos was seething. He had his arm around George and she could feel how hard he was trying to hold back his anger in the set of his muscles and the way he shook just a little. A gorgeously liquid litany of creative Portuguese curses rolled off his tongue, and when Faith made her announcement and left, he said, "I'll help you hold the bastard down!"

Which pretty much seemed to echo the sentiment all around.

"Now I'm glad I'm leaving the beach for a few days," Mara said, sitting down slackly in the sand. Her eyes were dull, and she petted Orrie absently.

Ami gave Scott's hand a squeeze, acknowledging his love and comfort. She didn't need to go there right now, and she wouldn't. This wasn't about her; it was still a good deal about Mara and keeping the other woman steady, and about finding Lucy's attacker.

"Why don't we go talk to Blaise, then?" Ami suggested. "Whomever did this is going to lie low for a few days, I'm certain, but the more people to keep their eyes open, the better."

(And I still need to check on River and Ripley,) Ami thought with a sigh. (I just need to pull it together, and hold there again.)

Ami sighed, and Scott overheard her thoughts. /And I still need to check on River and Ripley. I just need to pull it together, and hold there again./

Scott caught her eye. /You don't have to do any of this right now./ With a slight smile he added, /We've got friends who are helping./ "Friends" suddenly brought Damon to mind. /Crap! Is Damon all right?/

Scott's concern about Megabyte surprised Ami, and she truly hoped that it didn't show on her face. Of course, given present company, she wasn't sure that it mattered all that much if it did show on her face. Her awareness of Megabyte hadn't dimmed or faded, but remained constant enough for her to know that he was faring far better than she was. But that was to be expected.

/I haven't sensed any distress from him,/ it was difficult for Ami to keep the confusion out of her voice and not ask, "Since when do you care?" A part of her wondered if the world had shifted on axis or changed rotation at some point in time and if she'd missed it. /But I'll check up on him./

Still, just to be certain, she reached out, giving her friend a mental nudge. /Hiya./

/Hey!/ Megabyte 'sounded' relieved. /You okay?/

/I was just going to ask you the same thing,/ Ami replied, glad to have something else to focus on besides the conversation between Scott, George and Carlos. Mara was as uninvolved in conversation as she was.

/I think I'm better at weathering these things than you are./ There was a thoughtful pause and she could sense him testing her shields and her emotional state. /I would have checked in on you, but you calmed down and I saw that Scott was with you./

(Ok, now I'm convinced that I woke up in the Twilight Zone.)

/What?/ Megabyte asked.

/Huh?/ Scott echoed.

/Never mind,/ Ami directed the thought at both of them, then turned her attention back to Megabyte. Since when had Scott's presence dictated that Megabyte could be calm and not worry about her?

/You're okay, then?/ Megabyte prodded.

/Yes, I'm holding up./

Ami could almost see his scowl and frown. /That doesn't sound fine./

/It's the best I can do right now./

This time she felt his exasperation. /Look, just . . . take care of yourself before worrying about everyone else, okay?/

/I'm working on it./

/Promise?/

/I promise./

Megabyte didn't believe her, Ami could tell that much, but his mental touch lightened and she focused on Scott. /He's doing better than I am./ Ami pointedly didn't mention that he'd practically echoed Scott's sentiment about her taking care of herself.

"Might as well," George said. She glanced toward the jungle, where Faith had disappeared...and Sayid was following. She felt a momentary urge to call a warning, but on second thought she didn't. Sayid wasn't a problem and even if he were, Faith seemed more than able to take care of herself.

George grinned suddenly, amused by a sudden thought. Faith clearly thought Sayid was scorching hot. Precedent suggested strongly that they'd be shagging one another silly very shortly. They could both do worse and it would certainly take the edge off of Faith's anger.

The minute flexing and bunching of the muscles in Carlos' arm draped over her shoulder dragged George's attention back to reality. It felt like what he realized wished he was doing right now was throttling the life out of Whoever Did That. George could get behind that program.

"Uh...what was I saying? Oh--right. We might as well talk to Blaise. I came over here to talk to Faith about the trip out to the other crash site, but she took off."

Scott was glad to hear that Damon was handling the morning's events well, primarily for Ami's sake. She had her psychic hands full with Mara and River already.

"Uh...what was I saying?" George said. "Oh--right. We might as well talk to Blaise. I came over here to talk to Faith about the trip out to the other crash site, but she took off."

Scott gave George a grim smile. "After the look on her face, that's a good thing. She'll be back once she's calmed down." He looked in the direction that Tommy had headed. Scott could just make out the man in the ocean floating on his back in some seaweed. (Weird.) Somehow he knew that the Native American wasn't injured or worse. That knowledge was even weirder.

Writing it off to island weirdness, Scott returned his attention to George and Carlos. "Blaise it is." Then he turned to Mara and Ami. "You should probably stay here and rest. Okay?"

(OOC: If he's cracking an abalone shell on his belly, Scott, THEN you can worry. ^.^)

Mara nodded. "I'll...keep working on recovering. Please, don't worry about me. I'm just happy that there are people around me who actually give a damn this time. It makes things so much easier I can't even describe it."

Carlos buried his nose in George's hair briefly to help him center himself. Then he kissed the top of her head. "Yeah. Let's report our findings and then see about what else the raft crew needs." His tone was tired and grim. /Jesus, what a mess this has turned into. I wonder if Lucy would have done what she did if she realized it would cause this much pain even to total strangers/.

Ami gave Scott a tight hug and kissed him lightly and chastely on the lips. /I'll be glad to sit this one out./ Aloud she said, "I'll stay with Mara. I think I can use the downtime as well."

Another downside to telepathy was getting too wrapped up in other people. But she couldn't help herself when other people needed help even more than she did.

"Good," Scott agreed. He told Ami and Mara, "Back soon." Then he, George, and Carlos set off in Blaise's direction.

OOC: They went this way (http://community.livejournal.com/crossing_lostrp/69109.html).

(OOC: If he's cracking an abalone shell on his belly, Scott, THEN you can worry. ^.^)

LOL!

Faith went this a-way (http://community.livejournal.com/crossing_lostrp/68675.html?thread=2324291#t2324291).

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ami] Day 11: Tending Open Wounds (tag Mara,open)

[Ami] Okay, now I'm getting pissed (tag Faith, Tommy, Mara, Scott, open)

[Mara] The Messenger (tag Ami, Faith, Tommy, Scott, open)

[Scott] The Messenger (tag Ami, Faith, Tommy, Mara, open)

[George] The Messenger (tag Ami, Faith, Tommy, Scott, Mara, Carlos)

[Mara, Carlos] The Messenger (tag Ami, Faith, Tommy, Scott, George)

OCC

Re: OCC

[Ami, Faith] The Messenger (tag Mara, Carlos, Faith, Tommy, Scott, George)

[Scott] The Messenger (tag Mara, Carlos, Faith, Tommy, Ami, George)

[Tommy] The Messenger (tag Mara, Carlos, Faith, Scott, Ami, George)

[Mara, Carlos] The Messenger (tag Mara, Carlos, Faith, Tommy, Ami, George)

[Ami] The Messenger (tag group at Mara's shelter)

[Scott] The Messenger (tag group at Mara's shelter)

[Ami] Time Out (tag Scott, group at Mara's shelter)

[George] Good Idea (tag Ami, Carlos, et al)

[Scott] Good Idea (tag Ami, Carlos, et al)

[Carlos, Mara] Good Idea (tag George, Ami, Scott, et al)

[Ami] Taking a Time Out (tag Scott, et al)

[Scott] Taking a Time Out (no tag)

OOC giggles

[Faith] Burning Anger (redirect for Faith)