Crossing Lost: Getting Here is the Easy Part

"Sometimes big is too big. Burns you up from inside. Doesn't fit in the skin. To frail." River looked past Ami now, to Rose.

Rose felt a shiver down her spine despite the tropical heat.

"Well now, we didn't bring all this food out here to stand about. Let's dig in and enjoy the day." Rose took the 'sack' with their food and set it down.

She'd made eight sandwiches, in case everyone wanted two, but with the rest of the stuff they brought, it would all easily stretch to include River without anyone going hungry.

Rose pressed a PBJ into Tara's hand. "You, eat up. We all intend to. And I have it on good authority you sometimes forget to eat right after doin' your mojo. *I'm* not brave enough to face down the irish setter, thanks. Might wanna take my chances with Ripley first. Least she's wounded and slower."

From:

It took May a second to process what Ami meant by a "reader" and that she couldn't help it. Wow. She took a bite of a wax apple, munching on it thoughtfully. Yeah, reading minds without being able to block it out, that would suck. Just the thoughts of some of her own classmates back home would probably drive anyone over the edge. And the fact that she was mulling over uncontrollable mind-reading so casually just proved that this place had jacked up her weirdness tolerance severely.

She came back to the present as Rose handed Tara a sandwich. The witch's smile faltered a little bit at the mention of her magic, but she laughed a bit at Rose's description of Molly. "She's only looking out for me," Tara said, taking the offered sandwich.

As the sandwiches were passed around, May deferred, indicating that she still had a mouthful of apple to work on. And the way Rose was attacking her sandwich, it looked like she needed it more. May couldn't help but laugh at the rapturous expression on Rose's face at the first bite. "Okay, that's the first time I've seen someone have an orgasmic experience from peanut butter and jelly," she giggled before she could stop herself. "I haven't even broken out the chocolate chip cookies yet."

From:

Rose let the flavors roll around in her mouth. She couldn't exactly enjoy the food they'd fed her while she was a captive, until she became so sick she was on soup and ensure. Anxiety did that. But peanut butter, she hadn't had it in at least a month, and she hadn't realized how much she missed it. Now all they needed were some chips and vinegar and this would be heaven.

After swallowing Rose just licked her lips. "God, this is better than sex. At least if I can remember right. It's been so bloody long since I've had either."

She looked at the collection of food. Yep, chocolate chip. "Chocolate. Mmmm, death by chocolate cake, still warm a bit, and french vanilla ice cream meltin' into it. Now that would be perfection. What about you? What food do you miss most?"

River daintily nibbled at her sandwich, apparently enjoying it almost as much as Rose.

"Quary does not apply. Was fed only properly nutritious foodstuffs with little flavor for three years five months and seventeen days. Pre-packaged protein for the past seven months, with occasional fresh fruit and vegetable matter. Everything here is full of flavor even if the nutritional value is unbalanced."

From:

"She's only looking out for me," Tara said, taking the offered sandwich. Smiling at everyone and the thought of Molly's protective nature. It was nice to be the one looked after every once in a while...once in a while...

She bit into the sandwhich. She wouldn't be able to eat it all, or eat it quickly, but her stomach rumbled enough at the offering that she wondered if she had a demon hiding out somewhere inside. She was slightly embarrassed, but still laughed along with everyone.

Under Rose's scrutiny, she managed to eat half the PB & J before her stomach started to protest. She knew she looked skeletal from the weight loss, but healing was taking it's own sweet time. She could feel the strength returning to her body, but still no magic. Tara yawned widely. (Perhaps I can feign sleep and meditate to figure out what's wrong.)

While everyone chatted, including River, Tara put her head down and closed her eyes. She really was tired, so it took some concentration to meditate rather than sleep. Somehow she managed it.

She knew she needed to start slow. Examine the externals and move to the core. She wasn't sure how far she'd get. The first image she conjured was her kitchen in her apartment when she first met Willow. Being a kitchen witch, the literal kitchen was always a central location for concentrating her magics. Warm and full of light and color, kitchens were always a safe haven for her, even at home. Father rarely came into the kitchen, deigning it to be a woman's place.

Once the image was conjured, Tara opened her inner eye and gasped. Her kitchen was no longer a place of warmth and light. It was a place of chaos and destruction. The entire room was shades of gray. The appliances were ripped from their spots and strewn all over the room. The refrigerator was sitting at an awkward angle, door hanging open, melting ice puddling on the floor. Sparks flew from the torn connections and the flourescent bulb flickered weakly, providing barely enough light. The cabinet doors were askew on their hinges, or ripped entirely from their places. Dishes were broken and cast about. Silverware was stuck everywhere...walls, ceilings, doors. Glass and ceramic crunched beneath her bare feet, cutting her soles. However, the pain and broken room was nothing compared to what really horrified her. The cupboards were completely bare, fridge empty, pantry hollow. No food. And no food meant no magic.

Tara began to cry. (If this is the damage at this level...my magical core must truly be gone...)

From:

fikgirl.livejournal.com

Ami ate quietly, happy simply to be enjoying the tropical sun and to be in the company of her friends, old and new alike. She temporarily tensed and nearly shut down when the conversation turned briefly to what had happened on the beach – Ami was sorry for the loss of life, even Harry's, but she couldn't allow herself to dwell on it. Not yet, not right now. Maybe it was selfish and she'd feel guilty for it later, but right now she wanted to focus on the good and the bright – she needed to.

She relaxed when the conversation turned to less important and trivial things, such as food and chocolate being better than sex. Considering that her sex life bordered on the tantric – or had before DHARMA grabbed her – Ami wasn't sure that she agreed with that assessment. But she didn't argue with it.

There was confusion when she felt Tara's emotions spiraling out of control, particularly considering the other woman was supposed to be asleep. But when Tara gave a soft whimper, there was no denying the woman was awake – or having a bad dream. Ami moved to wake her gently when the cascade of despair and distress rolled over her. Inhaling sharply, Ami felt tears rise to her eyes as she choked off a sob.

(Not my sorrow, not my pain,) Ami recognized dimly. Still, she fumbled at her shielding and struggled a bit to separate her own emotions from Tara's strongly projected ones. Ami moved towards Tara without thinking, reaching the young woman's side before the sobs truly started in earnest and remembering at the last moment to throw up a shield between herself and Scott.

(Not necessary,) Ami remembered, feeling the restriction of the link she shared with her husband. (It likely wouldn't have reached him anyway.)

"Tara? Tara what's wrong?" Ami reached for the witch, hoping to send a pulse of concern and calm through her touch. Instead the simple act of touching Tara's arm pulled Ami back down towards Tara's wellspring of despair. Another fumbling few moments and Ami managed to put up her shields, buffering against some of the stronger waves of emotion.

But not before she heard Tara's thought of If this is the damage at this level...my magical core must truly be gone...

"Oh, Tara," Ami whispered softly, taking the witch's hand. (What has this sodding place done to you?)

From:

May didn't need to be a psychic to know something was wrong when Tara whimpered, and at Ami's reaction, her concern doubled. "What's the matter?" She glanced over at Rose, who looked equally perplexed and concerned.

From:

Tara stood amidst the chaos and destruction. She was so devastated that she felt paralyzed. She'd never been without her magic before...ever. Tara began to consider just staying here forever, not going back, not living in a world without magic when she felt a foreign pulse of calm and concern wash over her.

Tara looked up and happened to see outside of the kitchen window a vague shadowy form. Tara recognized the form as Ami. Ami must have picked up on her distress, of course. Ami, who was in so much distress of her own. Ami, who cared enough to open herself up on the link even when she wasn't fully healed. Ami was likely expressing her concern to the others by now. They would be trying to wake her, but she wouldn't be waking up. Rose, May, River...They would all be getting scared, but they would do whatever they could despite that fear to help Tara out. Help get her back, and from where? A self-imposed prison/sanctuary.

Tara felt shame. She couldn't...wouldn't do that. Not to her friends. Life without magic was one thing. One horrible thing. However, life without her friends was what was truly unlivable. As long as she had friends, she'd stand alongside them, witch or not.

Tara took one last look around at the devastation, knowing her life would not be the same ever again. Then began to leave the room, sending a pulse of love and gratitude towards Ami. Not knowing if she would feel it, but not really caring. The tears still fell freely over her loss, but she knew she'd heal in time.

As Tara turned to walk out of hte kitchen and return to the others, her kitchen radio suddenly turned on and began to play snippets of music.

"Ley, lady Ley...Ley across my big brass bed."
Ley-la, beggin' darlin' please, Ley-la"
"Ley it down. Make it alright"
"Paddy ley back, twas a cold and dreary morning"
it continued.

Tara was confused and just listened to the music when it hit her. "Of course!" Tara literally facepalmed herself as she ran out of the kitchen eager to get back to the others.

ooc: mispelling intentional

From:

Oh, Oh, Oh, Mister Kottarrrr! I know this one. I do, I do. I'll take "What prehistoric holy sites all have in common" for 200, Alex.

I have way too much interest in the supernatural. Clever. I like. :) Plug In, baby.

From:

Rose was getting worried. Ami was trying to comfort Tara, who appeared in the thros of a nightmare.

At least she was just weeping. Not thrashing and screaming. She'd woken up to the occasional scream in the last eighteen months. She always found him thrashing as if fighting something off, or trying to put out flames. But Tara's quiet weeping was just as disturbing in its own way.

"She's not waking up." Rose set aside her food and moved closer to Ami and Tara.

River started to rock back and forth, weeping as well. "Not even a bone in the cupboard, so the dog had none. Empty and hollow, a husk. Needs filling, fill me up, don't leave me a pretend girl."

Rose looked up at River. "What? She's not... like... in her body? Is that what you're sayin'?"

River gave her a Duh look, eerily simalar to the Doctor's when he'd just speiled out something at 90 miles an hour and expected you to keep up.

"No spirit agriculturist present. Soul resides. Pale rider symbology does not apply, as he went elsewere for now. No, she is hollowed out, poured to the ground till only the vessle remains. It hurts. Make it stop before the void consumes all." REiver had not ceased her rocking and weeping in time with Tara as she spoke.

From:

"What? She's not... like... in her body? Is that what you're sayin'?"

May nearly jumped up at that, wishing George or Daisy was here to confirm. (Oh, God!) She would have, too, if River hadn't explained. Kind of explained.

It was like being back in Literature class, trying to pick meaning out of the most obtuse passage Mr. Slattery could find to drive his students up the wall. Only the author wasn't Joseph Conrad or Thoreau, it was River.

Fortunately, she had an A in Literature for a reason.

Unfortunately, that still didn't sound good. (Wish Molly was back. Or Chris.) "Tara? Tara, can you hear us?"

((OOC: I figure May was out cold when Molly got back, so she doesn't know she's back yet.))

From:

nohatmatt.livejournal.com

I like this. I particularly like there being someone around who can actually understand River's cryptic statements :-)

From:

I think Ami can also understand River pretty well by now.

Not that May understands exactly *what* River's talking about, but she can pick out the gist enough to know that Tara's not out of her body, but whatever's really happening is probably magical and thus out of her league.

(And I spent part of this weekend attempting to clean out my office and stumbled across some old AP English notes, so reading that I went, "Wow, it's like deciphering something Mrs. Snyder would try to throw at us to make sure we were awake!")

From:

fikgirl.livejournal.com

Yeah, Ami speaks River. I just don't channel River very well, but Ami does speak River nowadays.

From:

fikgirl.livejournal.com

And just want to admit to the true depths of my geekness... I first read that "OOC Wow" and thought, "I wonder what this post will have to do with World of Warcraft"

*facepalms*

From:

Tara came out of her meditation suddenly, too suddenly. So, she gasped for air as she woke up, and couldn't figure out why Ami and the others were so concerned. She looked confused until the first shock of memory hit her and her cries came out in gasping sobs. Then, it seemed just as suddenly, the second shock of memory hit her and she smiled and laughed. (They must think I'm a lunatic), she thought as she tried to compose herself.

From:

Tara suddenly gasped, and May let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding as Tara's sobs turned to laughter. If not for River's commentary and the magic she'd seen Tara do, she would have attributed the tears and laughter to shock or delirium. But as usual, there was something else at work here.

She and Ami helped Tara sit up as the witch tried to regain her composure. "Take it easy. Breathe." As Tara's laughter faded and she started to breathe more regularly, May offered her one of the untouched water bottles. "What happened?"

From:

"Well, my capability to store and use magic is gone." Tara stopped and blinked as she heard herself say those words. The sounded so wrong, so alien to her being.

There was a chorus of gasps and "Oh, no!" from everyone and something cryptic from River. Tara looked up at them. They were such dear friends. (How could I ever think that staying inside was a good choice.)

"It's ok. I think I know how to get it back." Tara said quickly. But if it's going to work, we need to leave quickly. We'll need some protection like May, or Faith. Tara tried to get up, but stumbled and started to fall as the full weight of her task settled on her shoulders. (What am I doing? I can't even walk!) Tara thought at May nimbly grabbed her and supported her. (Dammit) Tara thought (I'll get there if I have to crawl on my hands nad knees. It can't wait until my body heals. It'll just have to heal on the way). Resolutely, Tara looked at the others, "Not just protection, but I'll need help getting there. It won't be easy, because I'm not really sure where 'there' is."

From:

Molly had left Dean and Jon with plans to have them guard a dance tomorrow afternoon. She decided to seek out River to ask her to join in. But her mission was stopped by a sudden feeling that Tara needed her. She didn't know how or why, but she couldn't deny the feeling.

Some questions led her to people who had seen Tara with Rose and Ami, then to the kitchen and news the three had joined May and headed outdoors.

By the time Molly arrived a picnic was apparently in progress, and Tara was talking about going somewhere, and leaning on May for support.

"Mother's here. Children need to be chided." River announced.

"An how do you propose getting somewhere when you can barely walk?" Molly crossed her arms and moved into view. "Okay, what am I missing, and why are YOU out of bed, missy?"

From:

You didn't think Tara would go on an adventure involving Magic and Molly wouldn't be involved, did you?

From:

Oh, no way. Tara was going to make sure Molly came along, one way or the other. heh

From:

May couldn't help the pang of sympathy and shock as Tara said her magic was gone. Magic, she knew nothing about, but losing a power, a part of you - it left an empty, hollow place nothing else could fill, that you only knew you had once it had been emptied out. She'd only lost her powers for a month, and a lifetime's worth of things had happened since then, but time didn't diminish the memory of how it felt.

But Tara was in no shape to go on some wild goose chase, and if getting her powers back entailed anything as painful as the way May got hers back...

"Not sure where 'there' is?" May echoed as she let the blonde lean on her, supporting her easily. "Tara, you can't even stand as it is, and I am this close to picking you up and carrying you." It wasn't an idle threat, either.

Any further protest from Tara was cut off by a familiar voice. "Molly! You're back!" May was genuinely delighted to see the redhead, not trying to deflect any questions or even considering that the chiding was partly directed at her. If Molly couldn't figure out a solution, she of all people could probably convince Tara not to get herself killed.

From:

Shifting to the left (http://community.livejournal.com/crossing_lostrp/110751.html?thread=3605151#t3605151)

From: