Crossing Lost: Getting Here is the Easy Part

"Yes, let's," Scott agreed in an over-the-top British accent, which got him pushed into the swimming hole. Scott surfaced laughing. "Violent much?"

Ami hopped into the water. "Only when necessary."

The couple found two more ways to put off returning to camp: making sure each other was completely mud-free, and drip drying in one of the few sunny spots.

When they'd run out of excuses, the pair got dressed and walked back to camp. Just after the treeline was in view Scott felt a hint of the gloom settled over the camp and put his shields up. He caught Ami's eye, suggesting, /After we check on Mara, I think we should find River and Ripley. Ripley's probably okay still, but I don't know about River./

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Following Scott's example, Ami threw up her shields as well, agreeing, /Yes, she was keeping near the treeline, as far from camp as possible. I'm not sure if she's still there, but at least she seems to have some psychic self-defense mechanisms, but Mara .../ Ami let the thought trail off knowing that she wouldn't have to complete it.

Enough time had passed that the camp was falling into a normal pattern, with somberness and grimness padding beneath it all. Dr. Pierson, Ripley, Carlos and George were working on the raft and small groups were huddled about talking. Ami squeezed Scott's hand and they headed in the direction of Mara's shelter.

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From her sprawled position on her back near the opening of Mara's shelter, Faith heard footsteps approaching. She cupped her hand over her eyes, and squinted up into the sunlight at the hazy and backlit figures that she recognized as Scott and Ami.

"Yo," Faith greeted them, sitting up and rolling her neck and shoulders a bit. "She's still sleepin'. Probably best thing for her, huh?"

"Probably," Ami agreed. "Has she stirred at all?"

"Not a peep," Faith informed the other woman. "You think she's gonna be okay?" Her genuine concern and worry about Mara was another one of those things that was 'new' to Faith. Somehow, she'd taken the sensitive psychic under her wing and couldn't help but think of Mara as the younger sister that she'd never had.

Ami hesitated, then gave a shrug. "I hope so. I'm not even sure how it affected her. I just thought she might need someone to look after her."

"Yeah," Faith shook her head. "I'm real good at fightin' stuff, but something like this – I'm kinda at a loss."

"It's good that you're here for her. Sometimes that's all a person needs." The look that she gave to Scott made Faith smile; it was pretty clear that those two likely could survive anything together (Sorta like Buffy and Angel, 'cept without the whole turning evil when getting laid bit. And without the being a vampire bit.)

"Yeah, I'm starting to figure that out," Faith said quietly.

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After checking the snares -- nothing yet -- Tommy returned to Mara's shelter to check on the young woman. Faith, Ami, and Scott were talking quietly outside. After exchanging hellos Tommy asked, "How's she doing?"

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"Sleeping like a baby still," Faith supplied, giving Tommy an appreciative once-over yet again. Just because he played for the other team didn't mean that she was going to stop looking.

(Why are all the interesting ones taken, gay or hung up on someone else?) Unbidden, a few memories of how she'd spent yesterday afternoon sprang to mind, and Faith was glad that she wasn't the blushing type.

Ami gave a gasp, and Faith looked at her curiously, wondering why the woman's eyes widened as she hurriedly turned to Tommy and asked in a rush of words, "Did - did you find Lucy's note?"

"Did you know her well?" Faith asked softly, figuring that would be the only reason to look for her note.

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Scott blinked rapidly from the surge of surprise and chagrin from Ami. "Did - did you find Lucy's note?" she asked Tommy hurriedly.

(What note?)

Faith added, "Did you know her well?"

Tommy was still recovering from Faith's eyes raking over him, Ami's gasp, and the sudden questions. "Um, no," he told Faith. "I didn't. Ami thought there might be a note, and there was." He widened his gaze to include Ami and Scott. "Just a list of who should get her belongings. Nothing about the 'perps.'"

"Perps?" Scott and Faith echoed.

Tommy nodded grimly. "Mara felt a lot of what Lucy did. She said that there might have been one or more people who drove her to... you know."

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Mara slept without dreams and felt like she woke a moment after closing her eyes, but there was a weight off of her now that she felt immediately. She felt a little gasp, and slowly opened her eyes. Her face and eyelids felt sticky and sore from so much weeping. /It's not even MY pain. This sucks. I feel like some bullying jerk just took a giant peanutty crap on my soul./

Voices outside, two of which skipped a beat in conversation as she came to and started getting her bearings. /Oh wow. Um./ Four of them.

The storm of emotion washing over the beach was now beating futilely against windows inside of her head that hadn't been there when she collapsed before. She could still sense the pain, but it didn't hit her. Lucy's humiliation and impotent rage still sat like a grotesque gift inside of her, but not having to deal with both problems at once was a relief.

She realized what they were talking about, and swallowed a small lump in her throat. It would be time to face the music in a few minutes about the things she'd blurted out.

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Faith felt the first flames of anger that she'd felt in a good long while. She hadn't even known the woman, Lucy, but she didn't like the idea that someone could have played the sort of mind games or manipulated the woman enough into seeing suicide as the only way out.

"What sort of sick fuck would do something like that? Isn't there enough to worry about on this rock without some sick shit like that?" Faith growled, clenching and unclenching her fist. Then, remembering Mara inside and Ami standing right next to her, she tried to rein in some of her anger, although it wasn't directed at anyone nearby, it was still potent.

It was telling that she hadn't asked how someone could have been driven to suicide, what sorts of things people could do. She knew, she'd done a few of them, thought of a few of them, and had the opportunity to witness more than a share of the rest of them while growing up.

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Inside the tent, Mara sighed and sat up slowly. Faith was going to explode when she discovered why Lucy had been driven to kill herself. First she would explode, and then she'd probably start talking about removing someone's balls.

But Mara had a better idea. It was karma, really. She was walking around with it boiling in her chest, and all she needed was a way to give it back to the ones who had done this to Lucy. Once that was done, she'd be free, and he--or they--would be punished appropriately. Until they had to stand before God, anyway.

"I want to make him feel what she felt," she said aloud. The sound of her voice drew Orrie, who had been sleeping on the mat-covered floor. The puppy yapped and tried to scramble onto the cot with her, nearly tipping it over in the process.

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Faith's anger was actually a welcome reprieve and distraction from the feelings, thoughts and images that Ami had caught a glimpse of just moments before, particularly the images. There were certain things that she just didn't need to know, and definitely not in Technicolor.

Even more welcome was Mara's voice calling from inside. She sounded steady, of course Ami had no idea how she sounded before she went to sleep.

She turned and poked her head in the shelter, giving Mara a smile. "Good to see you up. How do you feel?"

Mara's comment of 'I want to make him feel what she felt,' hadn't gone unheard. Ami simply wasn't certain how to respond that just yet.

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Mara gave Ami a wan smile, and didn't answer right away. "Thanks for the storm windows. Are you and Scott and River okay?"

"We're all managing. It's you I'm worried about right now."

Mara scooped up the puppy and gave her a long snuggle before answering. Then she looked up.

"I feel like Lucy did before she went into the water. I know why she killed herself. Not who, or even why they did it, but the /feelings/. The...sensations. And I'd wish I didn't...except that the only way to give her justice is to give these feelings back to the one that dealt them." Her eyes filled up and spilled over as she spoke.

Feeling lightheaded and sick, and still like she needed a good scrubbing, she said softly, "When I said...I wanted to know what sex was like? This wasn't what I meant."

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Scott was very, very glad that he was shielded from the others' emotions. Ami's were enough all by themselves; not overwhelming, but potent nonetheless. As Ami spoke with Mara, Scott turned to Faith and Tommy. He said quietly, "If we can be certain of who drove Lucy to suicide, I think that Mara's suggestion is spot on." The mere thought of a person capable of such a thing made him grind his teeth.

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sinanju.livejournal.com

OOC: George and Carlos are coming from here. (http://community.livejournal.com/crossing_lostrp/68675.html?thread=2316355#t2316355)

George decided that now was as good a time as any to talk to Faith, so she led Carlos in that direction. Before she got there, Ami and Scott returned and were deep in conversation. Then Mara appeared from within the tent, looking tired and drawn. George and Carlos were just in time to hear Mara's revelation.

"You know why? And someone made her do that?" George was shocked by the thought. It hadn't occurred to her that Lucy was suffering from anything more than terminal depression. "Fuck! Who was it?"

George felt a powerful urge to bash somebody. Her fingers curled around...nothing, though she was trying to get into the habit of carrying Sweet Reason with her. The cane wouldn't do her any good if she needed it and it was lying in the shelter.

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"I...don't know who," Mara said hesitantly. "I only know what was done to her, and that it made her feel so filthy and trapped that she wanted to die."

The word /filthy/ made Carlos flinch slightly. He was fighting down a surge of anger at the whole damned mess and about it apparently being somebody's actual /fault/--at least in part. But the use of that word made his chest heave, and made him look worriedly over at George.

/OK, I admit that I'm coming in late, but how does Mara know this?/ "Can...you remember anything about the people that did this?"

"Nothing you want me to repeat unless you want to lose your sex drive for a week," Mara replied flatly, then sighed. "I don't know even if there was more than one. It's too overwhelming. All I know is it happened twice, and the second time was over really fast."

Carlos looked sick as the implications of this hit him.

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Twice? Wow. Mara got lucky. She didn't pick up on all of it, then.

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Twice that she can differentiate. But yeah, I wanted to keep the level of angst she absorbed handlable enough that she didn't turn into a dribbling mess on you guys for very long....O.o

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Ami felt sick to her stomach. She hadn't picked up on the nuances that Mara did, or else she was so well trained that she was able to push them into the back of her mind before they sank in; and truthfully, she was grateful for that. Anger came from several different directions, and she closed off her shields, only keeping her link with Scott open; she couldn't handle anyone else's anger right now when she was dealing with disgust and anger of her own.

"So, on top of everything else, we got a rapist?" Faith said the word that no one else dared say aloud and Ami didn't need to be telepathic to tell that Faith was ready to go to war.

Faith, Ami realized, wasn't alone.

A chill enveloped her, wrapping Ami from her head to her feet and she hugged herself, shivering slightly despite the heat of the tropical sun. She didn't look at anyone, the sand taking on new depths of interest as she tried very hard not to think about . . . him.

"Someone is going to have to tell Daniel," Ami said simply.

"Someone is going to get castrated," Faith snarled. Without saying another word, the woman turned and stalked towards the jungle, the air itself seeming to ripple around her.

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"So, on top of everything else, we got a rapist?" Faith's voice was dangerously cold and flat.

Outrage welled up in Scott. Ami's distress barely registered as he fought back the urge to find Ethan and beat him to a bloody pulp. Pain from where his fingernails bit into the palms of his balled-up hands brought Scott back to reality. Unclenching his fists, he thought, (We don't know it was Ethan. We have to be sure.)

Beside him Ami studied her feet, hugging herself from the loathing and trepidation conveyed by their link. In a small voice she said, "Someone is going to have to tell Daniel." Then Faith stalked off with a promise Scott hoped she'd make good on.

"I'll tell Daniel," Scott said, surprised by the evenness of his voice. He took one of her hands, unsure if more physical contact was a good idea at the moment, and sent as much love and comfort as he could, Something else was going on with Ami, but he wasn't going to ask what now.

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Tommy was just as furious as George, Carlos, and Scott. He wanted to hit something or run or swim, *anything* to get rid of this negative energy.

"I'll tell Daniel," Scott volunteered.

Tommy caught his eye. "Blaise knows. I couldn't find Daniel, so I told Blaise that someone was behind this. He thinks that whoever it is will lay low for a few days." Although Scott nodded, Tommy could tell that most of his attention was on Ami. Her and Mara's suffering from Lucy's murder -- 'cause it was closer to that than a suicide in his mind -- redoubled his anger. "Let me know how I can help," he told all of them. His voice was soft from carefully controled ire. "Right now I need to go do... something."

Tommy didn't think about where he was going or what he was doing. A short time later he dove into the ocean. The sea welcomed him. Somehow he knew it mourned Lucy's death as well. As he twined through the ribbons of kelp, Tommy realized that it was the injustice of Lucy's death that was upsetting. She no longer suffered -- he presumed that George had seen to that -- and her body would return to the earth.

Tommy dove and surfaced over and over, each time feeling smaller but not unimportant. He and Lucy and the island and the sea itself were part of a larger whole which was healthy and vibrant and living. When his lungs burned the sea told him to stop and rest. Tommy obeyed, floating atop the ever-moving surface with slippery strands of kelp holding him fast. (It will be all right,) he told himself as his breathing and heart slowed. And he believed it.

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Mara sighed. "I should tell, but I couldn't handle his reaction." She looked at her hands. The shields she felt must be Ami's handiwork protected her from the wave of horror from the small crowd, but her face crumpled with sadness at what the news had done to them.

"I just want to get this feeling out of me," she said quietly. "I'll be okay if I can just do that."

/I feel like someone's used blow-up doll./ "No, they're not real, no more than ghost fingerprints. Nobody's touched /me/," she mumbled to herself firmly, and it helped a little.

Carlos was seething. He had his arm around George and she could feel how hard he was trying to hold back his anger in the set of his muscles and the way he shook just a little. A gorgeously liquid litany of creative Portuguese curses rolled off his tongue, and when Faith made her announcement and left, he said, "I'll help you hold the bastard down!"

Which pretty much seemed to echo the sentiment all around.

"Now I'm glad I'm leaving the beach for a few days," Mara said, sitting down slackly in the sand. Her eyes were dull, and she petted Orrie absently.

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Ami gave Scott's hand a squeeze, acknowledging his love and comfort. She didn't need to go there right now, and she wouldn't. This wasn't about her; it was still a good deal about Mara and keeping the other woman steady, and about finding Lucy's attacker.

"Why don't we go talk to Blaise, then?" Ami suggested. "Whomever did this is going to lie low for a few days, I'm certain, but the more people to keep their eyes open, the better."

(And I still need to check on River and Ripley,) Ami thought with a sigh. (I just need to pull it together, and hold there again.)

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Ami sighed, and Scott overheard her thoughts. /And I still need to check on River and Ripley. I just need to pull it together, and hold there again./

Scott caught her eye. /You don't have to do any of this right now./ With a slight smile he added, /We've got friends who are helping./ "Friends" suddenly brought Damon to mind. /Crap! Is Damon all right?/

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Scott's concern about Megabyte surprised Ami, and she truly hoped that it didn't show on her face. Of course, given present company, she wasn't sure that it mattered all that much if it did show on her face. Her awareness of Megabyte hadn't dimmed or faded, but remained constant enough for her to know that he was faring far better than she was. But that was to be expected.

/I haven't sensed any distress from him,/ it was difficult for Ami to keep the confusion out of her voice and not ask, "Since when do you care?" A part of her wondered if the world had shifted on axis or changed rotation at some point in time and if she'd missed it. /But I'll check up on him./

Still, just to be certain, she reached out, giving her friend a mental nudge. /Hiya./

/Hey!/ Megabyte 'sounded' relieved. /You okay?/

/I was just going to ask you the same thing,/ Ami replied, glad to have something else to focus on besides the conversation between Scott, George and Carlos. Mara was as uninvolved in conversation as she was.

/I think I'm better at weathering these things than you are./ There was a thoughtful pause and she could sense him testing her shields and her emotional state. /I would have checked in on you, but you calmed down and I saw that Scott was with you./

(Ok, now I'm convinced that I woke up in the Twilight Zone.)

/What?/ Megabyte asked.

/Huh?/ Scott echoed.

/Never mind,/ Ami directed the thought at both of them, then turned her attention back to Megabyte. Since when had Scott's presence dictated that Megabyte could be calm and not worry about her?

/You're okay, then?/ Megabyte prodded.

/Yes, I'm holding up./

Ami could almost see his scowl and frown. /That doesn't sound fine./

/It's the best I can do right now./

This time she felt his exasperation. /Look, just . . . take care of yourself before worrying about everyone else, okay?/

/I'm working on it./

/Promise?/

/I promise./

Megabyte didn't believe her, Ami could tell that much, but his mental touch lightened and she focused on Scott. /He's doing better than I am./ Ami pointedly didn't mention that he'd practically echoed Scott's sentiment about her taking care of herself.

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sinanju.livejournal.com

"Might as well," George said. She glanced toward the jungle, where Faith had disappeared...and Sayid was following. She felt a momentary urge to call a warning, but on second thought she didn't. Sayid wasn't a problem and even if he were, Faith seemed more than able to take care of herself.

George grinned suddenly, amused by a sudden thought. Faith clearly thought Sayid was scorching hot. Precedent suggested strongly that they'd be shagging one another silly very shortly. They could both do worse and it would certainly take the edge off of Faith's anger.

The minute flexing and bunching of the muscles in Carlos' arm draped over her shoulder dragged George's attention back to reality. It felt like what he realized wished he was doing right now was throttling the life out of Whoever Did That. George could get behind that program.

"Uh...what was I saying? Oh--right. We might as well talk to Blaise. I came over here to talk to Faith about the trip out to the other crash site, but she took off."

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