[Aeryn] Who are we?
Apr. 11th, 2007 02:44 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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crossing_lostrpWho: Aeryn & John
Where A quiet corner in the Bunker
When: Evening, Day 28--not long after The Cold Facts
Invited: John
Status: Complete
Aeryn sighed and stopped as they had moved to a fairly quiet area of the bunker.
There were tears burning her eyes and throat, so it took her a few moments of staring off into the space behind John's shoulder before she felt capable of talking.
"What if" she reached up and wiped irratably at her cheek, then fastened her eyes on his face. "I don't think I've been honest with you, Crichton" she stopped and shook her head. "John, my name is Aeryn Sun-Crichton. And I have an unshakable feeling that we're not related by blood."
Where A quiet corner in the Bunker
When: Evening, Day 28--not long after The Cold Facts
Invited: John
Status: Complete
Aeryn sighed and stopped as they had moved to a fairly quiet area of the bunker.
There were tears burning her eyes and throat, so it took her a few moments of staring off into the space behind John's shoulder before she felt capable of talking.
"What if" she reached up and wiped irratably at her cheek, then fastened her eyes on his face. "I don't think I've been honest with you, Crichton" she stopped and shook her head. "John, my name is Aeryn Sun-Crichton. And I have an unshakable feeling that we're not related by blood."
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-11 02:29 pm (UTC)"You ... have my last name ...?" he asked quietly
He looked back at her, the same confusion in his own blue eyes as he looked at her. "So if ... we're not related by blood then ... " he swallowed and looked down, it would certainly explain a lot of the flashes of memory and emotion he'd been getting. He slowly raised his eyes to hers again, his hands resting on his hips. "Would it be so bad to be married to me?" he asked quietly.
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-11 02:44 pm (UTC)But that was avoiding the question.
Would it be? He was such a selfish man, but something inside her told her that he was also the only one she remembered.
If the flashes of passion and care could be called memories.
Taking a few nervous steps, she attempted to marshall her thoughts. "Something tells me you're a diamond in the grass, which I'm frelled if I understand."
She swallowed, closing her eyes and leaning up against the unforgiving wall behind her. Lightly banging the back of her head against the concrete, she pushed away from the wall, then stared up at him. "I don't know if we're married, because whenever I try and think of what we MAY have had I only get confused! You're a frelling nightmare, in some of those .. memories. Stubborn and independant are the two thoughts I get when I see those. But" she stopped. She was SO NOT getting into that train of thought.
"But Something else tells me that we had more than arguments. The fact I've forgotten scares me more than the thought of you." She sighed softly again.
"I don't know" she finally admitted. She really didn't know the answer to his question.
[John]
Date: 2007-04-11 03:14 pm (UTC)John smiled a little, "It's ... diamond in the rough and .. it just means that something really nice can come from something plain and ordinary looking. It's a compliment so ... hey, thanks." It was another one of those things that he seemed to recall about her, the way she would try to make cliches and butcher them. Humorously.
He watched as a variety of emotions flickered across her face and behind the dark depths of her eyes. He crossed his own arms in front of his chest, an almost defensive posture, not wanting to risk getting hurt emotionally from this conversation. They were both strangers here, with no real idea of how to leave. He wished like hell he could remember something, anything, about them. Even if it wasn't what he wanted to know.
"I don't know if we're married, because whenever I try and think of what we MAY have had I only get confused! You're a frelling nightmare, in some of those .. memories. Stubborn and independant are the two thoughts I get when I see those. But"
John tilted his head, "You know, I get the feeling you weren't all sunshine and puppies either, sweetcheeks. I get the feeling that you and I fought long and hard and that you were probably just as stubborn as I was, if not more so. I can see it in your eyes, this ... this fierce independance you have."
"But Something else tells me that we had more than arguments. The fact I've forgotten scares me more than the thought of you." She sighed softly again.
John sighed himself and lowered his head, his chin resting against his chest. "Yeah," he agreed softly, "yeah it scares me too. It scared me to think that you and I could have shared something, something special, and now ... now it's just ... gone"
"I don't know" she finally admitted. She really didn't know the answer to his question
John nodded. It was an honest answer to a very difficult question. "That's fair," he said quietly. He wanted to reach out and take ahold of her hand, initiate some kind of contact with her. But he was afraid that if he did that, it would ruin any potential they had for ... what? Reuniting? Did she even want that? Were they happily married? "Maybe we could ... I dont know ... take it slow? See if ... we feel the same way?"
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-11 03:43 pm (UTC)"Maybe we could ... I dont know ... take it slow? See if ... we feel the same way?"
Feel the same way? Maybe. She tentatively reached out, a gentle brush of the fingers against his hand, before stepping back and crossing her arms yet again. It both scared her and frustrated her, knowing that they had something and forgot it. And when she got scared, she turned defensive. "We don't even KNOW how we felt, John. That's what I'm trying to say. What if we were... to use your analogy, what if I were the bounty hunter bringing you in for pennance? For a crime you've done?"
She stopped, blinking. An image of Bialar Crais came to mind and she heard his raving order to capture or kill the pilot of the pod.
"I need to see the crash site."
Without waiting, she headed outside, a memory of the pod suddenly there and clear. It glanced off another ship... but that ship-type didn't have a memory or name. But the long ship that had impacted on the pod/Shuttle had been destroyed and her commander had ordered Aeryn and her squadron out to the mission.
"Frelling Yods, I hope that I'm NOT really remembering this." she muttered as she stalked out to the surface.
[John]
Date: 2007-04-11 05:33 pm (UTC)John couldn't deny the spark that raced up his arm as her fingers brushed against the back of his hand, how her touch left the spot feeling warm, how it had made his heart beat just a little quicker.
It both scared her and frustrated her, knowing that they had something and forgot it. And when she got scared, she turned defensive. "We don't even KNOW how we felt, John. That's what I'm trying to say. What if we were... to use your analogy, what if I were the bounty hunter bringing you in for pennance? For a crime you've done?"
"Crime?" He repeated, confused and a little upset by the idea. "What the hell kind of crime could I have committed? I'm not a criminal, Aeryn, and you can't make me believe that I am! I've never committed a crime in my life ..." his voice trailed off and he scrubbed a hand through his hair and looked away. Hard to back that up when he couldn't remember a thing that had happened before the arrived here.
"I need to see the crash site."
Without waiting, she headed outside ...
John turned his head back around as she suddenly pushed away from him and started to head down the corridor at a fast pace, back tense. "Whoa! Hey, Aeryn, wait! What the hell are you talking about?" He started to jog after her to catch up.
"Frelling Yods, I hope that I'm NOT really remembering this." she muttered as she stalked out to the surface.
John reached out to grab her arm, trying to slow her down or stop her. "Aeryn, slow down. What the hell's going on? Why do you need to see the crash site? Have you remembered something?"
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-12 07:26 am (UTC)BIG mistake. Aeryn wasn't even thinking now, as instinct took over and she slammed John hard against the wall, then continued walking. Just a couple of steps until she realised what she'd done. She stopped and turned, a look of contrition in her eyes. "Sorry, John."
Moving back to help him up, she started walking away again.
"Aeryn, slow down. What the hell's going on? Why do you need to see the crash site? Have you remembered something?"
"Yes, I think I did. And I think that it's not a good thing." She stopped at the door to the bunker, her hand on the handle. "I remember a man, my commander Bialar Crais. And I remembered something else."
His blue eyes reflected the hurt from her surprise reaction to his touch, but also concern. "I'm sorry, John, but you may have killed a man. And if you did? Then I WAS sent to kill you."
[John]
Date: 2007-04-12 01:36 pm (UTC)One minute he was holding her arm, the next minute his world was spinning and the breath was being forced form his lungs. John gasped as he was slammed up against the concrete wall, the back of his head impacting it with a solid thud as his breath exploded from him. He sagged slowly down to his knees, coughing and holding the back of his head.
Just a couple of steps until she realised what she'd done. She stopped and turned, a look of contrition in her eyes. "Sorry, John."
John looked up at her, wincing. "Yeah, sure ... no problem. Better than coffee." He reached up to grasp her hand, hauling himself to his feet. He rubbed the back of his head a moment, there would be a sizeable knot there in a little bit.
His blue eyes reflected the hurt from her surprise reaction to his touch, but also concern. "I'm sorry, John, but you may have killed a man. And if you did? Then I WAS sent to kill you."
John stopped walking and stared at her. "No ...." he said softly, his voice filled with horrified surprise. "Aeryn no ... that's ... that's impossible ..." he got a sudden flash of memory, of being in a ship that was out of control. Of clipping something.
He put his hands to his head and took a staggered step back away from her. "No ..." he whispered.
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-12 01:56 pm (UTC)He put his hands to his head and took a staggered step back away from her. "No ..." he whispered.
Aeryn couldn't name the emotions that gripped her now, as a flood of compassion filled her. But from his reaction, he seemed to be remembering, too.
"John?" she hesitated "Crichton? Speak to me? What are you remembering?"
[John]
Date: 2007-04-12 02:15 pm (UTC)John looked over at her, emotional pain twisting his face, tears standing in his blue eyes. His hands gripped the side of his head as he looked at her, unable to really comprehend what he was remembering. Remembering in flashes and broken pieces.
"A ship ..." he rasped, his voice trembling a little. "I'm ... I was on a ship ... out of control ... fighting for control ... oh God what was that ...? I hit ... I think I hit something ..."
Whatever it was vanished, like a picture winking out of existence and John sagged to his knees, bending forward to press his forhead to the ground with a soul-shuddering moan.
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-12 02:25 pm (UTC)There was still the bits she did remember... and those were disturbing. But then, if he'd been her prisoner, then why was he still armed?
She let her arm drop to her side again, not even sure if her presence was doing any good.
Eventually, she cleared her throat and gently grasped his chin, forcing him to look up at her. "There's still too many questions and I think we might find answers on the ship we crashed in. If you DID crash into someone (and kill them, she added silently) then surely there will be marks of it even in the state our ship is in."
Re: [Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-12 05:38 pm (UTC)John stared at her, trying to make sense of the fragmented images that seemed to by toying with him, floating in and out of his memory, not remaining long enough for him to make any sense of them. "You have my last name ..." he whispered, the pain of that evident in his eyes. "If ... if I'm your prisoner and you were supposed to kill me ... why do you have my last name?"
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-12 05:58 pm (UTC)"Infiltration." she stood, her face turning a little colder as her "business" face slid into being. "At least, that's my first thought."
She hesitated, then shook off the colder persona "But that's one of my more pressing questions, too."
Re: [Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-12 06:23 pm (UTC)John looked away as her words sent a lance of exquisite pain right through the center of his being. No, it couldn't be that. It could't have been all a lie. He remembered other things too ... moments of intense intimacy, tenderness ... her touch earlier had elicited a reaction in him, albeit a small one.
She hesitated, then shook off the colder persona "But that's one of my more pressing questions, too."
John shook his head, "No ... I don't think it was ... a lie. Infiltration." He looked back at her, his own blue eyes hard, trying to hide the hurt he was feeling. "You can be a hardass, but under that exterior ... you're tender and compassionate. I know that about you, don't ask me how, but I do."
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-16 12:15 pm (UTC)Aeryn paused, unsure what to say to this evaluation. She looked deep into those blue eyes, knowing for sure that he was hiding a painful hurt that her words had caused; despite the cold mask he was trying to project. Between some people there could be no secrets.
She looked away, unable to face the pain she'd wrought, then she looked down at her hands, calloused by a lifetime of fighting and piloting. "I don't know much about myself, John. But I know this. I'm a Soldier and I'm a pilot. Beyond that? I could be anything."
She paused again, tempted to finish there and just walk away from him. But something deep inside pulled at her, tugged at her conscience. "I know that there is one person I can be tender with" she whispered, scared to admit it. "And I know that compassion was an alien concept to me, until I met you. Don't ask me how, but I do." She shook her head, turning dark eyes on him. "The problem is, I do not know if I can make a commitment without really knowing you more than the feeling I have in here" she tapped at her chest lightly. "Without knowing you here" now she tapped at her head. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can give you what you seem to need."
She felt weak, frustrated, scared and fragile. Wrapping her arms around herself, she watched him from across the hallway.
[John]
Date: 2007-04-16 05:22 pm (UTC)John nodded a little, folding his arms in front of his chest as he leaned his back against the concrete wall behind him. That was how he felt too, he knew snippets about himself, vague memories and flashes of things that seemed to be really important were all he had. "Same here, Aeryn," he told her, "I mean ... I was somebody's son, and obviously I was a pilot at one time or another but ... beyond that, all I have are flashes and sparks. Pretty damn annoying, you know?" Especially with the possibility that he had killed a man. That thought made him want to throw up.
"I know that there is one person I can be tender with" she whispered, scared to admit it. "And I know that compassion was an alien concept to me, until I met you. Don't ask me how, but I do." She shook her head, turning dark eyes on him. "The problem is, I do not know if I can make a commitment without really knowing you more than the feeling I have in here" she tapped at her chest lightly. "Without knowing you here" now she tapped at her head. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can give you what you seem to need."
John nodded, casting his eyes down, studying the floor for a quiet moment. Everything she was saying made perfect sense, in his head he knew that. They were complete strangers to one another, whatever had happened between them in the past, whatever had transpired to bring them together was gone now. He sighed and looked up and over at her. "You know ... I'm a huge believer in Fate," he said quietly, "and ... I think that when two people are meant to be together, nothing in the entire universe can keep them apart." He gave her a little smile and shrugged one shoulder, "I'm not asking you to move in with me, I'm just ... asking for a chance. A chance to see if ... we can find what was taken from us. That's all."
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-17 07:40 am (UTC)"I'm not asking you to move in with me, I'm just ... asking for a chance. A chance to see if ... we can find what was taken from us. That's all."
She hesitated, fighting the urge to make a flippant reply, fighting the urge to turn away. No, she had to face this now, before any rifts formed between them. But then something struck her about his words. "Yes, there was more taken from us, wasn't there?" she stepped closer, a frown knitting her brows "Do you get the feeling we were searching for something when we came here?"
[John]
Date: 2007-04-17 01:40 pm (UTC)John's head snapped up and he looked at her intently. He frowned a little and nodded slowly. "Yeah," he said quietly, "yeah ... I do, actually. It's hard to explain but ... but it's like I get the feeling that ... I don't know ... like something was lost. Or taken ... something ... really important ..."
He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her again, "What the hell do you think it means?"
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-17 01:46 pm (UTC)[john]
Date: 2007-04-17 02:08 pm (UTC)John nodded and pushed away from the concrete wall, being able to do something, anything, was preferable to sitting around here contemplating the what-if's. "Yeah, that sounds like the best thing we can do right now." He gave her a smile and moved to walk beside her, making sure not to walk close enough to accidentally brush her arm. They were making progress and he didn't want to jeopardize it. He just hoped that there were answers to be found inside the wreckage, and that those answers didn't completely tear them apart.
[Aeryn]
Date: 2007-04-17 03:49 pm (UTC)